So... You're Thinking About Marriage

This post is aimed mainly towards those who are working toward getting hitched, even if that means for the second time or if it's far in the future. It's never too early or late to learn the facts about marriage. If you are already married I would suggest reading this in order to gain an understanding on how important marriage is to society so that you can help others to build a better society.

Ever since I could understand English I have dreamed about getting married and having family. I even got married on the play ground in fourth grade. Twice. Earlier today I was looking at wedding dresses on Pinterest and looking at engagement announcement ideas. I'm not even engaged nor am I planning on being engaged anytime in the near future. So why all the fuss? I have been raised having an understanding that marriage is important and the best way to go when having a family. Besides, I grew up on Disney and the princesses always found true love and went off to marry their prince. Even though it has been something that has been a huge goal in my life I have honestly never taken into consideration the pros and cons of marriage. 

Here's my personal list of reasons why I think marriage is beneficial:

• You have someone to take care of you when you're puking and they'll still like you. 
• Sleep over every day
• Built in support system 
• You have a battle buddy to take on the world with
• Someone to talk to about anything with
• Raise kids together
• Laugh and cry together
• You get a best friend for life 

Of course this would be the ideal marriage but I believe that a relationship like this is possible. There will always be arguments about things but those little disagreements shouldn't inhibit a marriage. Here are some findings from multiple studies about the benefits of marriage that I read about in the book Successful Marriages and Families produced by Brigham Young University;

• Married adults are clearly healthier than their non-married counterparts.
• Lower rate of morbidity and mortality.
• At older ages, married people are significantly healthier and experience fewer physical limitations in daily activities.
• Married people also recover better from illness and surgery. 
• Married people are generally happier.
• Marriage reduces the risk of mental disorders.
• Married people are satisfied with their sex lives. 

Now the studies are not by any means that if you get married your life will be great with no problems whatsoever. Trials and hard times will be present throughout your life no matter what you do but the important thing to understand is that they can be made easier through a healthy marriage. I'm not even going to go over the cons to marriage because marriage is great when done in the right manner. So now I'm going to talk about how to get a strong marriage. In all reality your marriage will either make or break you. 

The number piece of advice that I could give would be to not settle for "Mr. or Mrs. Good Enough". Sure finding someone who will be a good father or mother is definitely important but you should not just marry the first person you meet who would get the job done. You might think that this idea is stupid and that anyone with common sense wouldn't fall for something like that but I think you would be surprised to know just how common it is. For example, my uncle just got divorced about a year ago because of settling but he wasn't the one who settled. It was his wife. She knew he would be a good father and spouse so she decided to marry him and just figured that she would fall in love with him eventually. Well three kids later she decided that she didn't actually love him so she wanted a divorce. For a little while there my uncle's life was ruined but he didn't let it break him. The sad thing is is her choice didn't just effect her and my uncle, but it's going to affect the kid's life too. So just be careful when deciding on your spouse. It's super important to look at not only the big picture but also the small details. Another thing is to make sure that you're goals are in line with each other. If you don't have common goals then you won't be able to work towards anything together and it will cause a lot of tension in your marriage. And instead of focusing on finding the "perfect" spouse become the perfect spouse that you want. You can't expect something from someone else if you are never willing to do it yourself. 

Here's another tip for you. Don't live together before you are married!!! It may seem like a good idea at first but it's actually not. When you live together to "test the waters" before getting married you go into it with the mindset that you can leave at any time without there damage being done. The longer you live together there is a higher chance of having children out of wedlock and you begin to buy things together. When this happens you now have ties with the person which usually leads to marrying each other because the couple feels like they have to. It's just easier to get married to someone you know you can trust with your life. Marriage can be a great blessing when handled in the proper way. Good luck!