Whistle While You Work

Growing up  my parents taught me how to work. I'll admit that I didn't really like it, in fact I hated it, but looking back I appreciate what they have taught me especially since I am now living on my own. There is definitely a different feeling in a home where the family, especially children, understand the importance of work. Teaching children to work and do a good job with it will be something that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. When I refer to work I mean the little things like cleaning off the table or doing yard work together. Those little moments will start to create and strengthen bonds and memories that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

Basic household work is very important for a couple of reasons. The first is it keeps your house clean which is beneficial to your physical health. The second is that it doesn't require a lot of skill. You don't need a bachelor degree to make dinner or fold laundry. My parents always made sure that my siblings and I had chores. My dad always says something along the lines of "If you want to live here then do your part" which may seem blunt but I think he's got a point. I don't ever remember not having a chore chart since I had one up through high school. My parents were very smart though because they evolved the charts and the intensity of the chores as we grew. Our last system consisted of a daily job that we had to do each day and a zone (specified room in the house) that was our responsibility to keep tidy. We began to learn to clean up after ourselves because we understood how much it sucked to clean up after everyone. My daily job was set at laundry which meant I would help my mom wash and fold. We spent a lot of time talking about pretty much everything. I know it was beneficial for both of us and grew a lot closer. My siblings and I also had the responsibility to clean off the table after dinner. Usually we would put on some music and sing our hearts out. It took us a lot longer but it was totally worth it. It's helped us to accept the fact that we are going to have to work in life and while there are things that we may not want to do you need to do it anyways.

I want to emphasize the importance of family in family work. Yes it's important to teach children to do chores but it's even more important to work with them. When children see you working with them then they are more likely to continue working with you and then they'll become more accustomed to working in the home. While it may be tedious it's vital for the family staying strong.

Saving Your Marriage

Divorce is starting to become incredibly common in our society today. Chances are you know at least five families who have been affected by divorce. Sometimes divorce is necessary but too many times it is something that is rushed into when the marriage can be helped. If your marriage is beginning to have a rough time (and it definitely will) there are ways to decided whether your marriage can be helped or when it's time to move on.

I am positive that my husband and I will argue over things that we probably shouldn't. The important thing is that we don't let our arguments effect our love for one another. If you're married and reading this you probably think I'm naive. Well I won't deny it. But the more I've read about divorce the more I have come to realize that it is completely preventable. It's not easy but it is possible. James E. Faust,  a respected lawyer, politician, and leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, gave some very profound council when considering divorce. He called it a three part test that will help a couple to make the right decision. 

1. Prolonged difficulties- First part of the test is time. If a problem arises a couple needs to give themselves a lengthy amount of time to attempt to resolve the problem. With that being said the couple does needs to use digression in different situations. If family members are at risk then immediate separation may be the right decision. Do everything possible to fix the problem. When you can literally and honestly say you have done your absolute best to save your marriage then it might be time to move on.   
2. Apparently irredeemable relationships- This is very similar to the first step. In order for divorce to be an option the relationship must reach the point where is is irredeemable. Something that I found incredibly interesting is that if one spouse is unwilling to try to make things, this doesn't mean the other spouse should just give up.
3. Destruction of human dignity- This is where abuse comes into play whether it's physical or emotional. It's when an individual begins to lose his or her sense of worth. When a spouse is deeming and belittles over a long period of time it's important to seek counseling together to try to resolve the problem and give it time to heal but if it keeps occurring then it is definitely time to leave. 

With this three point test you will be able to know what the right decision will be. The first five years of marriage are the most vital and in those years there is a higher chance of divorce. Unfortunately many divorces are based almost solely on emotions and the decision is made quickly. One of the greatest things that I have learned is to try. Try to resolve the problem and work through it together. There are times when divorce is what needs to happen but don't let it be the one thing that you turn to when the going gets tough.

So... You're Thinking About Marriage

This post is aimed mainly towards those who are working toward getting hitched, even if that means for the second time or if it's far in the future. It's never too early or late to learn the facts about marriage. If you are already married I would suggest reading this in order to gain an understanding on how important marriage is to society so that you can help others to build a better society.

Ever since I could understand English I have dreamed about getting married and having family. I even got married on the play ground in fourth grade. Twice. Earlier today I was looking at wedding dresses on Pinterest and looking at engagement announcement ideas. I'm not even engaged nor am I planning on being engaged anytime in the near future. So why all the fuss? I have been raised having an understanding that marriage is important and the best way to go when having a family. Besides, I grew up on Disney and the princesses always found true love and went off to marry their prince. Even though it has been something that has been a huge goal in my life I have honestly never taken into consideration the pros and cons of marriage. 

Here's my personal list of reasons why I think marriage is beneficial:

• You have someone to take care of you when you're puking and they'll still like you. 
• Sleep over every day
• Built in support system 
• You have a battle buddy to take on the world with
• Someone to talk to about anything with
• Raise kids together
• Laugh and cry together
• You get a best friend for life 

Of course this would be the ideal marriage but I believe that a relationship like this is possible. There will always be arguments about things but those little disagreements shouldn't inhibit a marriage. Here are some findings from multiple studies about the benefits of marriage that I read about in the book Successful Marriages and Families produced by Brigham Young University;

• Married adults are clearly healthier than their non-married counterparts.
• Lower rate of morbidity and mortality.
• At older ages, married people are significantly healthier and experience fewer physical limitations in daily activities.
• Married people also recover better from illness and surgery. 
• Married people are generally happier.
• Marriage reduces the risk of mental disorders.
• Married people are satisfied with their sex lives. 

Now the studies are not by any means that if you get married your life will be great with no problems whatsoever. Trials and hard times will be present throughout your life no matter what you do but the important thing to understand is that they can be made easier through a healthy marriage. I'm not even going to go over the cons to marriage because marriage is great when done in the right manner. So now I'm going to talk about how to get a strong marriage. In all reality your marriage will either make or break you. 

The number piece of advice that I could give would be to not settle for "Mr. or Mrs. Good Enough". Sure finding someone who will be a good father or mother is definitely important but you should not just marry the first person you meet who would get the job done. You might think that this idea is stupid and that anyone with common sense wouldn't fall for something like that but I think you would be surprised to know just how common it is. For example, my uncle just got divorced about a year ago because of settling but he wasn't the one who settled. It was his wife. She knew he would be a good father and spouse so she decided to marry him and just figured that she would fall in love with him eventually. Well three kids later she decided that she didn't actually love him so she wanted a divorce. For a little while there my uncle's life was ruined but he didn't let it break him. The sad thing is is her choice didn't just effect her and my uncle, but it's going to affect the kid's life too. So just be careful when deciding on your spouse. It's super important to look at not only the big picture but also the small details. Another thing is to make sure that you're goals are in line with each other. If you don't have common goals then you won't be able to work towards anything together and it will cause a lot of tension in your marriage. And instead of focusing on finding the "perfect" spouse become the perfect spouse that you want. You can't expect something from someone else if you are never willing to do it yourself. 

Here's another tip for you. Don't live together before you are married!!! It may seem like a good idea at first but it's actually not. When you live together to "test the waters" before getting married you go into it with the mindset that you can leave at any time without there damage being done. The longer you live together there is a higher chance of having children out of wedlock and you begin to buy things together. When this happens you now have ties with the person which usually leads to marrying each other because the couple feels like they have to. It's just easier to get married to someone you know you can trust with your life. Marriage can be a great blessing when handled in the proper way. Good luck!